Frequently asked
Common questions, honest answers.
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01 / The experiment
How it actually works.
What is Stedi, in one sentence?
A structured methodology for dating with intention. You name what's genuinely off the table, surface the patterns underneath who you keep getting drawn to, run a deliberate nine-date experiment, and read a playbook written from your own data.
What does the audit do?
A 20 to 40 minute conversation that walks you through three short probes: people you've actually been into, who's catching your eye on the apps right now, and the difference between dates that felt electric versus dates that felt comfortable. The audit reflects what you said back to you and asks what you make of it. It doesn't announce your pattern; it lets you see it.
What is a slot?
One of nine trait-shaped invitations Stedi generates from your Type Profile. Each one names a kind of person worth dating to interrupt one of your patterns, framed as a trait you can recognize in a profile (different career energy, slower communicator, outside your usual look), never as a demographic. Slots are invitations, not commands. You can swap or skip up to two.
What is the calibration benchmark?
The average compatibility score across your first three counted dates. From there forward, every selection-phase date is scored against it. The benchmark is a floor, not a target. The point isn't to chase a perfect ten, it's to notice when someone clears the bar you set for yourself. Above-benchmark is worth a real second look. It is not a guarantee of long-term happiness. No score can promise that.
What's in the playbook?
A magazine-style essay, around 700 words, written from your actual data after date nine. It names the pattern in your own scores, says who from the nine actually cleared the bar, walks through the math under strict optimal stopping, and gives you a benchmark to measure anyone you date next against. Read it once. Sit with it. The point isn't to validate; the point is to give you a benchmark you couldn't have written yourself.
Why nine dates specifically?
Nine is the optimal stopping number from secretary problem math. After three calibration dates and six selection dates, you've seen enough variation to recognize someone who fits when they show up. It's a ceiling, not a quota.
What if I find someone amazing on date three?
That's the win. The experiment isn't about finishing nine. It's about opening you to people you would've swiped past so you can actually see someone real when they show up. If that's date three, stop. The scoring you've already done tells you whether they clear your bar.
What counts as a date?
In person, one on one, at least an hour, and a person who knows it's a date. Coffee counts. A 20 minute video call doesn't.
What if a date no shows or gets canceled?
It doesn't count. We don't penalize you for someone else's behavior.
How long does this realistically take?
Most testers finish in 6 to 10 weeks. Many stop earlier because someone clears their bar before date nine. That's the goal, not a failure.
02 / Privacy and data
Yours stays yours.
Will you share my data with anyone?
No. Your audit, your scores, and your playbook stay yours. We don't sell or share anything.
Will you contact people I date?
Never. They don't know Stedi exists. The whole experiment is invisible to the other side.
Can I delete everything?
Yes, any time, in one click. Your data is gone within 24 hours.
Who can actually see my data?
Only you. Your data lives in a Postgres database with row-level security enabled on every table, which means even if an application bug forgot to filter, the database itself rejects any read that isn't yours. We don't look at individual data unless you ask us to help debug something.
Does Anthropic train Claude on my data?
No. Anthropic does not train on API traffic by default per their commercial terms, and we use the API. We don't log raw request or response bodies on our side either; only route, status, and a small metadata blob.
What about the anonymous share card?
Opt-in only. You can mint a share token from your playbook page that unlocks a single public URL showing only your archetype name, your benchmark, and how many selection-phase dates cleared it. No name, no individual dates, no markers, no essay. You can revoke the link any time, which kills it immediately.
Do I need to tell the people I'm dating that I'm using Stedi?
No. You don't need to disclose. You're not rating them, judging them, or putting their privacy at risk. The audit is about you, the date cards are about how moments felt to you, the playbook is your own data read back. Stedi is a mirror to help you understand yourself and date with intention. If you want to mention it, that's fine. Some people find it grounding to say 'I'm doing a structured thing right now where I'm really paying attention to my own patterns.' Optional, not required.
What if I'm dating someone and they're using Stedi too?
That's fine. Both of you are running your own private practice; neither account knows the other exists. The product is one-sided by design. Stedi never communicates between accounts, never matches you, never surfaces that the person you're dating is also a user. Your data is yours; their data is theirs. Two people each running an honest mirror in parallel doesn't hurt anything.
03 / Cost and access
Free, while we're in beta.
Is this free?
During closed beta, yes. Free for early testers in exchange for honest feedback. Pricing after beta is undecided.
How do I sign up?
Click Start the type audit on the home page. We send a one time link to your email. No password. No social login.
04 / Fit and edge cases
Will it work for you?
I haven't dated in years. Will this work?
The audit needs at least a sense of who you've gotten drawn to historically. If that's there, you're fine.
I'm in a small dating market. Will I find nine archetype matches?
The archetypes are about traits, not types you'll only find in big cities. If you can find nine first dates over a few months, the experiment works.
What if I really don't want to date outside my type?
Then this isn't for you. The whole method depends on the contrast between what you choose and what works.
05 / The science
What it's built on.
What research is this based on?
Decades of work that's well-established in adjacent domains. The four predictive markers come from John and Julie Gottman's longitudinal couples studies. The Spark vs. Familiar split draws on attachment theory (Bowlby, Ainsworth, Mikulincer & Shaver, Levine & Heller's Attached). The audit's conversational shape is borrowed from motivational interviewing (Miller & Rollnick). The 9-date math is the secretary problem from optimal-stopping theory.
Is Stedi affiliated with Amy Chan?
No. Stedi is independent and not officially affiliated with Amy Chan, Renew Breakup Bootcamp, or Unsingle. The framework is hers; the implementation is ours. The product was built specifically so that Chan would want to put her name on it, but no relationship currently exists.
Does this actually work?
Honest answer: we don't have efficacy data yet. No randomized trial has shown that completing a Stedi experiment produces better dating outcomes than not. The framework draws on research that's strong in adjacent domains, and the playbook is genuinely useful as a synthesis of your own data, but anything anyone says about effectiveness today is informed inference from underlying research, not a claim about Stedi specifically. We're collecting six-month outcome reports from beta users to start changing that.
06 / Safety and limitations
Where Stedi stops and a professional starts.
Is the playbook a medical diagnosis or psychological assessment?
No. The playbook is a pattern finding tool built from how you score your own dates. It is not a clinical assessment, not therapy, and not a substitute for either. If something in your audit or playbook surfaces a deeper issue, we will point you toward people qualified to help.
What if I'm dealing with something heavier than dating?
Stedi is for people who want to break a dating pattern. It is not built for active mental health crises, grief, or trauma work. If you're in crisis, the right next step is a therapist or a crisis line, not an experiment. (US: 988. UK: Samaritans 116 123. Worldwide: findahelpline.com.)
What if I notice red flags on a date?
End the date. Your safety is not a data point. Stedi never asks you to override your gut to finish anything. If a person scares you or pushes past your no, the experiment is over with that person, full stop.
Are you responsible for what happens on the dates?
No. Stedi gives you a list of archetypes and a scoring framework. You choose the people, the place, and the time. The dates are yours, and the responsibility for safety is yours and your date's. Treat first dates the way you would without us. Tell a friend where you'll be, meet in public, and leave when you want to.
What about consent?
Archetypes are suggestions, never instructions. You decide who you message, who you meet, and what you do with them. We never push you to keep dating someone, do something physical, or stay in a situation you want to leave.
What if I have a history of trauma around dating?
That's worth a conversation with a therapist before you start, not a check in with us. The audit asks you to look at your dating pattern honestly, and that can be uncomfortable. If you're not in a steady place to do that, the audit can wait.
What happens if I disclose something serious during the audit?
If Stedi detects acute distress (suicidality, active abuse, or self-harm), the audit pauses on that turn and surfaces 988 + findahelpline.com instead of continuing. Nothing you said is lost. The audit will be there whenever you're ready to come back. We do this because the wrong move when someone is carrying acute material is to keep asking framework questions.
What if Stedi says something off-base or harmful?
Two layers of catch. First: every full playbook gets reviewed by a second model pass before it ships, checking for shaming language, prescription, stereotyping, clinical-diagnosis-adjacent claims, and unhedged certainty. Second: every Stedi-generated artifact has a Report this button. One tap opens a small note; we get the report and review it. Your read of yourself wins over the model's, always. The Type Profile is editable. Slots are skippable. The playbook is information, not a prescription.
Can I edit my Type Profile?
Yes. From your profile page, you can rewrite, soften, or remove any pattern statement, and mark preferences as real or as things to examine later. Edits replace the original. Your read of yourself is the canonical version.
07 / The Next 90 Days
Showing up, after the experiment.
What is The Next 90 Days?
The phase that runs after the experiment, when you've found someone worth taking seriously. Ninety days of structured reflection — but not on them, on you. How you show up. Where you retreat. Whether you can stay when staying is hard. Same discipline as the experiment. Different subject matter.
Why ninety days?
Three months is roughly when the neurochemistry of new relationships stabilizes and real attachment patterns either establish or default. It's the window where character, in Chan's sense, becomes visible. We picked it because it's the smallest amount of time that surfaces a real arc, and short enough to actually finish.
What happens after day ninety?
We stop. Stedi explicitly hands the work back to you. The skills you've been practicing — noticing, naming, choosing — those are yours from then on. The product doesn't do ongoing relationship monitoring; that's not what this is. The data is yours to keep. The rest is yours to live.
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